Slow down?

Been thinking about this for a while.
Just heard about the new Nielsen report that talked about increasing media multi-tasking. We are apparently spending about 3.5 hours a week watching TV and surfing the web at the same time. Brought to mind all the times I have observed the world around me continually increasing its rpms. Are we going too fast and doing too much? Is there any objectivity in this matter?

Maybe it's laziness, but I keep observing that I very much enjoy slowing down. Meditation is the ultimate slow down, and after some early struggles, I have learned to love that slow, silent space. To sit and do nothing at all. Not easy for someone with a mild case of ADD. At the core of this is attention, it seems. About the ability to keep attention gently focused on ONE thing. When I sit in the morning, that thing is breathing. It can also be cooking, eating, walking, even washing dishes (which is great, cause washing dishes used to be torture). Whatever it is, there is all of a sudden much more interest in what is being experienced, a great vitality of sorts. Boredom is transcended by the simplicity and wonder of the experience.

Why damn it, why did this not come to me in college?? I swear I could have had a PhD or two by now.

But regardless of when it comes, I am grateful that I now know about my ability to pay attention. That it can be applied, and cultivated, and refined. I often find myself deliberately focusing all my attention on whoever is speaking to me. How simple, and yet how ubiquitously illusive... Or noticing the taste of food in my mouth. Or feeling the road under the tires of my bike. Fascinating.

Of course, the other side of this is that multi-tasking is often useful and productivity is greatly increased. We can't all chill out and chew each bite 40 times and only pay attention to one thing at time. Or can we?

Kinda makes me wanna go back to school.

Mom

Each moment has to die before a new one is born. And so with us. As John Keats put it, our names are 'writ in water.' We know this; and yet we often succumb to the great depths of sadness and regret. At times, it hurts like hell. At times the negative charge is too much, and there are violent releases of this negativity.

But as time goes on, I realize that my thoughts are not merely products of randomness and circumstance. I realize that I do have, at least in some capacity, an ability to choose my course of thought. I realize that, however amateurishly, I am able to rein in the beast that is my mind. To slow it down for a short while and have it catch its breath. And I am very grateful for this.

I loved mom and continue to love her now. Her warmth and support. Her tireless desire to care for her children. Her love for her family. Her resigned and peaceful outlook on life. Her fantabulous cookery. She lives in all of us and it's important to celebrate this. To let the sad be and instead give due to the wonderful energy and warm memories that never leave. As the insightful Ludwig Bemelmans noted:

"For such as I, then, all is here and now, the rewards and the miracles. They are the green tree, the sunrise, and all the things we sing about – the jet plane, the paintbrush and the easel, the cadets of West Point, and especially children, most of all babies with their grave, observant eyes…

In spite of all that, that black moods descend on upon me, and consolation is hard to find….I lie on my own couch, suspended in cosmic gloom, the eye turned inward, and it takes awhile to console myself.

There are two cures. One is to work; all misery fades when I work, but I can’t work all of the time. The other is to celebrate. I, the confirmed lover of life and professor of happiness, look as we all must at life, and at the approaching day when we can only hope to be mourned for. I get hungry again and have to hurry to and reassure myself with another good bottle and a fine meal, and after the coffee I look through the blue smoke of my good cigar. I sit in the melancholy mood that is like cello music and search for the answers we shall never know…

People such as I live by rules of their own. We are not happy with the comforts that the group offers. We are off-horses, misfits… In the design that has been imposed upon humanity we are solitary, self-appointed outcasts. Outcast is too dramatic a word; let’s call us alonegoers. That also is not quite true, for I seek people and like them, but still in their midst I am alone…

My life has been colored mostly be a period spent in the army as a medic in the violent wards of an insane hospital… I learned there also to regard death as a generous manifestation, and to love life all the more for this discovery. And for the good of the soul I learned to step outside of myself, to forget the “I”, which is the key to happiness.”

But how difficult it is at times to step outside of myself. And yet, not impossible. Here is to possibility, then. And also, here is to the professor of happiness. Thank you for the insight.

ps. Thanks also to Rick and Inigo @ whoistheabsurdman.blogspot.com, you guys rock.

Who's driving the bus?

I am becoming more and more aware of the dichotomy in my own mind.

In the red corner we have the emotional brain. It wants to drive the bus all day long. And if no one else steps up, thats what happens. All day long I judge, criticize, fear, dread, escape, avoid, and skim - all saturated in your very basic and ubiquitous suffering.

And in the blue corner, representing the very latest in human evolution, is the mindful brain. Now this is the real deal - this brain is self-aware. Awareness that has become aware of itself. And while there are some deep questions that remain unanswered, this is the brain that more and more often takes over the wheel of the bus. It is also petitioning to become my designated bus driver.

And while the mindful brain has all my support, I often wonder whether this whole circus is yet another delusion. Perhaps. Cause we cant really know, now can we? It seems there are questions that we not only have no answers to, but may also not be able to arrive at.

And it is critical that we accept this. If there is any chance we can transcend our daily suffering and find some peace of mind, we need to let go and accept that some questions will remain unanswered. And so the struggle continues.. I accept my emotional brain, but I deliberately choose to be more mindful. This is wide and deep enough to be explored well into my senile years.

Hey sun

The sun is back after 4 days of rain.

Thanks for checking in, sun. No, seriously, thank you for hanging in there. Wherever you are hanging (8 light minutes?). It is most definitely good to come outside and instantly be enveloped in warmth and light. And if you think about all the vitamin D that gets produced, damn, what are we waiting for? Go outside and say hello to the sun.

lets proceed..

It's time to start this. It's time to begin putting down words and ideas. Don't know exactly why now. But the time has come.

Lets definitely begin by saying that these random and absurd ideas are best shared with those closest to you. Face to face. In the shimmering light of a camp fire. Over a bottle of something strong and an obese joint. But alas, we are not in Kansas. We are very likely in Greenwich, CT, tucked away in a tiny office with no windows. Thus - in the spirit of not letting the perfect be the enemy of the good - we be bloggin.

Also, not everything is going to be original, so I will try give credit where credit is due. But in general, these entries will be as much observational, as they will be offspring-ing of conversations and reading.

Onwards then.